so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
