Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
