Four minutes until I can fart!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
