Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
