last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
