1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize