the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
