Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
