Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
