I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
