When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
