Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We had to coat check the pizza.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
