mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
