Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Let's paint friendship bongs
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Randomize
