You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
