Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Princesses don't give blow jobs
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
