In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
