I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
