Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
