wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
