I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can text with my tongue
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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