Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
