I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
