when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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