I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize