That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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