I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
