She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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