from now on my penis is your penis
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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