Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
