Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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