I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
