there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
