So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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