Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
