he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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