He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
