yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
