just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
