I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
