My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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