I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
