I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
