you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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