You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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