dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize