I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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