I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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