Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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