apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
