why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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