u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
