Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
