Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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