dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
