$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And then he peed in my hair
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
