I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize