i just google imaged poop.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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