What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
