ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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