Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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