no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
