Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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