My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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