The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
