how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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