the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
