i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
