garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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