the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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