I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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