I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
