I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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