never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
