yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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