I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize