If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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