He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
